Goodbye Dad, I love you

End of an era, Dad passed away last week, or was it the week before. It has been a long interesting ride the last bit. I love my dad but I have never shown much emotion, never do at people’s passing. When I was a little boy and my grandmother passed my mother praised me for not crying, for being such a man. I have had my share of tears over the years, my share of emotional trauma. Seems heartless to say that Dad’s passing was not as traumatic as the other things. We all knew it was coming, his death. His health had been declining for a long time. We thought we had lost him several times but he kept bouncing back from the brink, just not bouncing as far back as before. He was a fighter, kept talking about all the projects that he had to finish before he was done. I suppose that it was a load off the mind that he was not suffering anymore when he finally did pass. He went like he wanted to; at home with family around. I was at work when it happened. I got a call from one of my sisters shortly after he crossed. All my sisters had been there when he crossed, he even waited for one sister to get there from eastern Oregon. I felt callous that I did not want to be there when he died, I felt callous that I did not want to go and be with my family until after the body had been removed. I timed it so I would get there after the body was gone. I wondered then and I wonder now, is there something wrong with me for feeling that way, for not wanting to be a part of his death? I miss my father, I do, but I don’t feel the depth of sadness that everyone else felt. At least not yet. I felt I was the rock that comforted others, let them cry. We all spent a few days together going through old boxes of photos, telling stories about growing up with dad and of course, making plans for the memorial. It was a good memorial, lots of people showed up. Dad touched a lot of people’s lives in a positive way. He was a gifted healer. There were a lot of touching stories told and funny ones too. Dad would have liked the laughter. Today I was listening to old phone messages and deleting them. Two were from Dad a few days before he died. In the last message he concluded by telling me goodbye. I knew the goodbye was just the traditional conclusion of the phone call but I could sense him here in the room telling me goodbye - forever. I played that message over and over and each time I heard him say Goodbye I told him “Goodbye, I love you Dad”. I think the emotional part is beginning to surface. He will be missed.
Goodbye Dad, I love you. Be at peace.

Sunday March 4, 2007 - 11:20pm (PST)

Comments(4 total)
Del…
Sorry for your loss. Everyone deals with death in their own way. Cherish your memories of him and live your life well to honor him.
Monday March 5, 2007 - 05:58am (PST)

Inspi…
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Your dad is at peace and as you said, he touched many people's lives. He lived a good life and his spirit will continue to guide you. Many blessings to you!
Monday March 5, 2007 - 08:34am (PST)
…
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How are you holding up? He is at peace and not suffering anymore. and yes you will always have the memories. Take care
Monday March 5, 2007 - 02:22pm (PST)

Hiker…
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Thanks guys for your comments. I am holding up pretty good. My wife, however is not doing very well. Right behind dad's passing an important figure in her life passed away then she got a call that her uncle's life support was being removed so his passing will be soon. I think she thought she would be my 'rock' so now we will be each other's support.
Tuesday March 6, 2007 - 10:46pm (PST)